So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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