True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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