Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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