I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
