ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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