i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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