This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
