he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize