There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
