hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize