Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
