Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
