My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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