how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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