what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am spending my child support on dildos
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
