We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
