Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
