Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
