and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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