the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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