if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
