she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
