I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
