she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
