So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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