epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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