Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
