if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
