I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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