i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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