you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
