no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Swine flu is the new snow day.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
