saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
