you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
