grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
