pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she told me i tasted like america
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
