Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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