I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
