Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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