dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
