Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize