Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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