I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
