i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
