Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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