i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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