so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
