After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
its liver damage thursday
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
