just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
They are going to name an STD after you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
