i just google imaged poop.
it's like iHOP with fire
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Found the puke drawer
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
