whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize