So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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