He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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