party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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