I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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