just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
