Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and she was petting her beer can
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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