I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize