I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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