Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
