at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
