his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
