Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
