he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
