im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
