im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Its about making memories worth repressing
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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