I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
