need another drink. this is the easiest way
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize