yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
